《哈比人》畢竟是個以成長為主題的作品:從旅程起初比爾博失手為石巨人(Trolls)所擒、初遇咕嚕時的互相鬥智、在幽暗密林裏以短劍對抗巨蛛並解矮人之困、在木精靈(Wood-elf)城堡妙計助矮人脫身囚牢、在孤山深窟獨對魔龍⋯⋯每一次的危難中,縈繞在比爾博心裏的念頭都是——多麼懷念家鄉的安樂窩啊!但也是在每一次硬着頭皮解決問題後,比爾博就與之前的自己有所不同,旅程完結後,比爾博與家鄉的一眾哈比人,更是不同。人生也應該是這樣的,既然無法安於逸樂,既然所有故事終需落幕,There and Back Again,在回到寂滅之前,就用一段段不凡的旅程與精彩的回憶去填滿吧。
Deep down here by the dark water lived old Gollum, a small slimy creature. I don't know where he came from, nor who or what he was. He was Gollum - as dark as darkness, except for two big round pale eyes in his thin face. He had a little boat, and he rowed about quite quietly on the lake; for lake it was, wide and deep and deadly cold. He paddled it with large feet dangling over the side, but never a ripple did he make. Not he. He was looking out of his pale lamp-like eyes for blind fish, which he grabbed with his long fingers as quick as thinking.
(First mariner Books edition 2012, based on the edition published by HarperCollins Publishers in 1995)
引文中不少詞語都以d作字首,如"deep down", "dark", "dark as darkness", "…deep and deadly cold", "dangling"等,當中「深沉」、「黑暗」、「垂下」等語都是負面的意思。無疑,這些押頭韻的音效(包括另外兩處的small slimy及quite quietly)頗難於譯本中表達。
原文音效無法於譯文中重現屬非戰之罪,能夠妥善處理,固然錦上添花。不過,中譯引文的部分譯句卻略嫌生硬:如「我不知道他來自何方」、「這就是他無聲無息的行事風格」二句,前者「何方」二字雖然簡潔,卻太過文雅,而後句中的「行事風格」四字,頗為突兀。另外,在「⋯⋯擁有一雙大而蒼白的圓眼」一句後,又有「擁有一艘小船」之句。原文“…except for two big round pale eyes in his thin face.”,更無動詞置放當中,朱譯連續用了兩次「擁有」,未免重複囉唆。《哈比人》本身是寫給兒童或青年的冒險故事,作者常以第一身出現身上,把故事娓娓道來,不時更流露出對角色遭遇的感想,譯文不妨考慮多採用接近口語的語氣和語句,中譯讀者就更能感受托爾金的聲音與情感了。
Deep down here by the dark water lived old Gollum, a small slimy creature. I don't know where he came from, nor who or what he was. He was Gollum - as dark as darkness, except for two big round pale eyes in his thin face. He had a little boat, and he rowed about quite quietly on the lake; for lake it was, wide and deep and deadly cold. He paddled it with large feet dangling over the side, but never a ripple did he make. Not he. He was looking out of his pale lamp-like eyes for blind fish, which he grabbed with his long fingers as quick as thinking.
(The Hobbit, First Mariner Books edition 2012, based on the edition published by HarperCollins Publishers in 1995)